You always hear moms talk about how you won't get 5 min to shower or you won't pee with the door shut for awhile.
Most moms would say their schedule is so hectic. They don’t even have time for themselves.
It sounds like a busy, full life and like you would never get lonely.
But you can be lonely in a house full of people.
Your friends are on different schedules, you might be more tired than you used to be to make it to girls’ nights. You are up weird hours. And you might just be so busy scheduling play dates for your kids, you forget about your play dates.
The problem is that all your focus is outward.
You are thinking of other’s needs. How could your kids be happier. What would they like more. What do they prefer. What do they need. What does your partner want. What about your work and in-law obligations.
Loneliness is just missing a deep, true connection to yourself.
So if your attention is focused outside of you. You’ll probably start to feel lonely no matter how many people are in your life.
If you want to prevent loneliness in motherhood, make sure you know how to connect with yourself before you have kids.
You will naturally be pulled outward when you become a mom. But knowing how to get back to yourself is invaluable.
Ways to connect to yourself and prevent loneliness:
- Do what you really love to do. Stop "shoulding"
- Stop trying to be the perfect mom, wife, friend, daughter, employee, whatever.
- Find hobbies that your truly enjoy.
- Have regular and reliable child care (tip: find them before the baby comes).
- Do the things that make you happy or make time fly by.
- Find true girlfriends and make time for them.
- Say no to others so you can say yes to yourself.
- Budget yourself in.
- Ask for help.
- Stay curious about yourself and your dreams.
- Find a job you love.
- Have something you are passionate or excited about.
- Schedule time every day and every week just for you to be you.
- Keep a piece of yourself sacred and separate from family life.
- Listen to your music, watch your shows, eat your favorite food. Not just the family's.
- Reach out to make friends. Be brave.
- Get out of the house and go anywhere there are people.
Notice when you start to feel off, lonely, or sad. Find something to connect you back to yourself before it gets too big.
You are in control of your life. Your schedule and your budget.
It's such a beautiful example to set for your future kids.
It's the example that every person matters. Everyone deserves to be happy. Everyone deserves respect, love, time, and attention. Everyone is important..... Even the mom.
Take a minute to read this beautiful first hand account of feeling lonely in motherhood. http://www.mommyish.com/2011/06/07/mom-is-the-loneliest-number/
We can take away from this article many things we teach in Mom Class. The importance of finding a sitter before the baby is even born. Making friend time and date time just as important as baby time. Asking for help. Seeing yourself worthy of taking up space and time. And more.
If you want to learn more about how to prepare for motherhood, you can follow our blog. Take our online workshop. Try one of our free quizzes. Sign up for our newsletter. Or follow us on social media @approachingmotherhood
Approaching Motherhood is an organization dedicated to empowering women to have a full, happy, motherhood experience. We help provide you with a strategy and a set of tools that will put you on the path to modern motherhood that will leave you feeling competent, empowered, and successful in the next stage of life.